Hamilton's Epic Self Defense Class!
by HersheyChocolates101
Summary: My entry for the Dares Forum. What could go wrong when Hamilton is the teacher? Only everything.


**Hamilton's Epic Self Defense Class!**

"So what are we going to be learning about?" Angela inquired, stuffing her hands into her pockets bashfully. She averted her shy gaze from its usual point on the ground to me.

"Self defense," I responded simply, casting a side-wards glance at her.

"Self defense from what?" Angela asked incredulously.

I laughed. Castanet was certainly not known for its population of criminals.

"Beats me, Ange."

We finally arrived at the site of our "classroom". As in, the beach. So far, only seven people were actually bothering to attend. Luke and Maya were there because they were hyperactive idiots. Poor Bo had been dragged along by Luke. Then there was Angela and I because we really had nothing to do. And finally, Perry, because he had enough decency to make the teacher not feel as if he or she had been ignored. And finally, of course, Gill was there, in desire to learn some sort of information.

We treaded over to the gang of students (minus Gill) who were engaged in a conversation.

"Hi guys! Whatcha talking about?" Angela questioned cheerfully, sitting down next to Maya on the sand.

"Do you know who's gonna teach us?"

Well props to them for having come up with a darn good question!

"I-"

"HEY HEY HEY!"

"Oh God," I murmured, only to be elbowed by Perry. "Ouch!"

"Welcome to Hamilton's class of self defense!"

"YAY HAMMY!" cheered Luke and Maya, waving their arms up and around in the air like a pair of idiots. Actually they already were idiots...

They whooped and hollered as well until Gill had enough of chaos and yelled,

"Shut up!"

"Okay children, calm down-"

Bo rolled his eyes in annoyance. "We are not children."

Hamilton ignored the yawns of boredom and complaints of time being wasted by continuing. "Each class in this course will reflect a certain form of defense!

Would anyone like to take a guess at what we're protecting ourselves from today?"

Luke, as expected, waved his hand wildly in the air until I was almost certain it'd fall off.

"Yes, Luke?"

"WE'RE PROTECTING OURSELVES FROM THE EVIL HASH SLINGING SLASHER FROM SPONGEBOB

SQUAREPANTS!"

I slowly turned my head from facing Luke to Hamilton. He looked ready to wet his pants.

"NO! INCORRECT! GO AND STAND IN THE CORNER OVER THERE!"

"Eep! Okay..." Luke, appearing more timid than Candace, moved over to the far side of the beach.

"He is a disgrace..." I heard the mayor mumble incoherently. "...It's a wonder why Gill has become so rebellious towards me lately..."

Then Perry raised his hand.

"Yes, Perry?" Hamilton asked pleasantly as if nothing had happened.

"Castanet is a pretty safe place, sir. I can't imagine having to be protected from criminals. Maybe we're learning about defense from...germs?"

"YES! CORRECT PERRY!" the mayor boomed obnoxiously. Even Yolanda who had become notorious for her hearing would have been able to hear that.

"As Perry oh-so-kindly told us, we are learning how to protect ourselves from those nasty creatures we call germs. Now can-"

"Hey Hamilton can I come back now?"

"NO."

Angela leaned over to me. "This is becoming ridiculous," she murmured quietly.

"AS I WAS SAYING, can someone explain to the class what a germ is?"

No one twitched a muscle in the slightest. The atmosphere became stiff and the only noise I could hear were the waves of the ocean splashing against the white beach sand and some whimpers of Luke in his makeshift corner of woe.

"A germ is a very small creature that can make you sick! Germs are everywhere, on door handles, public phones, you name it! They can't be seen by people, though! Believe it or not, germs are living in our mouths at this very precise moment! Good thing for toothpaste-! Hey Gill did I brush my teeth this morning?"

"Father..."

The mayor babbled on into a rant that made no sense to any of us minus Maya, who spoke at the speed of light.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Perry trying his best to appear highly interested, but every now and then his eyes drooped slightly or his mouth widened enough to signify a yawn that was hastily stifled.

Seeing him and having the buzz of a chubby man echo in my ear was plenty to lull me to sleep.

-2 hours later-

I opened my eyes sleepily. For some weird reason my neck ached and I wasn't lying down in a crumple of sheets and blankets at home.

Oh wait. Wasn't I at some sort of self defense class?

Turned out I was- except it appeared that I wasn't the only one who'd dozed off.

Bo had his head leaning forward and even poor Perry had given in to his heavy eyes.

It seemed like Luke had escaped in stealth a while ago.

Gill showed to have been the most exhausted student. He was laying on the sand, deeply asleep.

Angela and Maya were still awake as day, however. And Hamilton was still rambling...about potatoes taking over the world?

I sighed. What a class this had been.

**A/N: THIS WAS A COMPLETE FAIL. FAIL, I TELL YOU. **

**Has anyone noticed that for the two times I participated in a dare (crack pairing and this one) I had my entries in at like, the very last minute? XD **

**Ah well. Good luck to everyone else participating! :)**

**-HersheyChocolates101-**


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